Eye contact

A common, but neither diagnostic nor universal, characteristic of autistic people is a lack of eye contact, or non-maintenance of eye contact.

Personally, I can make eye contact, and can tell you the eye colours of most people I live or work with.  However, I do not maintain eye contact.  Judging by a relative’s comment when she found out about my diagnosis, I give people the impression that I maintain eye contact, as I will look at people’s faces often enough when conversing with them.

Interestingly enough, I can actually win staring contests; no idea how I'd go against Julie Bishop, though. 😊

So why is a lack of eye contact so prevalent in autistic people?  This varies, but some reasons are:

·       Information overload – if you are someone who maintains eye contact during conversation, think about how much feedback you get from the other person’s eyes.  Now try to imagine getting, say, 10 times the amount of feedback – if you can, try imagining maintaining eye contact with 10 people, simultaneously.  How would you go with mentally processing all that information, all at once, while also holding the conversation? 

·       It is physically tiring.  I find it tiring to look at people’s eyes for any length of time.  It does not matter if the person is taller, shorter, or the same height.  It also does not matter if the person is male or female.

I just find it less tiring for my eyes and my mental processes to watch the mouth of the person I am talking to.  This has the advantages of confirming that the words I am hearing are the words being said, through the shape of the mouth, and getting feedback on expressions that others get from eye contact.

·       It can produce a physical reaction that is not always pleasant, or even neutral.  If I am not prepared for eye contact and am caught off-guard by someone suddenly looking at me in the eyes, it can sometimes feel like that person has tapped or thumped me in the solar plexus with the heel of their hand.  This can happen even when the person is someone I know and with whom I am having an otherwise pleasant conversation.

·       It allows other senses to show how awesome they are.  Much like many blind people have heightened sensitivity when it comes to hearing or touch, by not focusing on visual cues from eye contact, an autistic person may have developed more acute hearing.

So, do not assume that the autistic person is not listening to you simply because they are not making eye contact.  My mother can well attest, with stories from my childhood (of what I'd say in public, to her chagrin), that this is not always the case!  Don't worry, she thinks they're funny stories...now. 😏

Another reason why someone may not make eye contact is cultural.  There are cultures where to make eye contact with someone, particularly with someone in a position of authority, can be viewed as insolence.  So next time you try to insist that someone is ignoring you, disingenuous, or in some way untrustworthy because they do not make or maintain eye contact, just remember that they may actually be autistic, or from a no-eye contact = respect culture (or both! 😀).

“And now I know it is perfectly natural for me not to look at someone when I talk. Those of us with Asperger’s are just not comfortable doing it. In fact, I don’t really understand why it’s considered normal to stare at someone’s eyeballs.” - John Elder Robison